A Song for Sara

She wasn’t sure what else to do, so she did something she could barely imagine.

 

She had sung for them all and found there was no more for her to do in this place.  She had poured so much into the words and melodies they had taken on a life of their own.  And it was this heart’s work which carried her forward.

 

She hoped she would come back someday.  There were connections which would always be dear.

 

It wasn’t that she felt so brave.  She knew it was what she had to do.

 

She packed her life up in boxes and bags and prepared to step off the edge of what she knew.  It was thrilling to take the risk.  But it was heart wrenching to go.

 

So the soul baring songstress with the silk smooth voice and sun bright smile prepared to sing her goodbyes to the laughter she had shared, the joy she had created and the loves that surrounded her.

 

But who would sing for the songbird?

 

Those who were happy to see her soar, but sad to see her go.

Sad Sad Songs

She put on the sad sad songs and decided to wallow awhile.  It was self indulgent and fruitless.  It certainly wouldn’t help.  In the moment none of that mattered.

 

The wallowing gave a temporary reprieve from the pressing air.  There was a fiction of movement.  As though this was somehow moving on.

 

But she was not entirely naïve.  She recognized this as the junior high school response to heartache.  There was only so long this could fill any need in a grown person’s life.

 

The volume increased along with the wallowing.  The reprieve would only be temporary, so she may as well take it for all it was worth.  She could feel baselines in her belly.  She was tapping rhythm with her fingers.  She felt melody welling up inside of her.

 

She was tentative at first.  Her movements were subtle.  Her voice was a whisper.  She was aware of how this might look.

 

And she let the crest of the wave break on her.  She sang.  She danced.  She closed her eyes and gave herself over. 

 

Time ceased to matter.  Outside concerns melted away.  She was only aware of the sound of her voice and the beat of her heart.

 

And when she had poured everything out into the ocean of sound, she breathed deep and opened her eyes.

 

“Enough” she said to the empty room.

 

Simple Pleasures

Last night The Fiend and I went to see a theater group I am involved with perform at a fundraiser for a social service agency.  The theme was victory over violence.  Audience members shared touching stories and the performers interpreted them so beautifully.

 

The Fiend was so well behaved.  Her reward was getting to dance her little heart to the great reggae band that played later on that evening.  That was my reward too.

 

We had a great night watching the performance, spending time with lovely people and dancing to great music.  The Fiend and I drove how basking in the contented glow of an evening well spent.  It struck me how simple it had been to make us both so happy.  Good theater, good music, good company. 

 

The pursuit of happiness, or at least my pursuit of happiness, often gets muddied by lofty expectations.  It is a challenge to realize that happiness is in the moment, not in the future.  Every moment that spent wishing for happiness in the future is a moment where happiness is lost. 

 

Happiness does not cost anything.  It does not exist in things or places.  It exists inside each of us.  It is when we let go and live in the moment that we find it.