The Art of Being Alone

To truly appreciate time to oneself there are some fundamental requirements.  The first and most crucial element is clothes you are comfortable in.  It varies from person to person.  There is no judgment here, whatever works for you.  For me its flannel sock monkey pajamas all the way.

 

The next element critical to spending time alone is good food and drink.  This too may vary from person to person. In fact you may find it varies from situation to situation.  One night a stiff drink might be all that’s required.  Another night a steaming mug of cocoa and a big bowl of popcorn may be just the thing.  Last night I enjoyed a cup of cinnamon apple tea which was completely gratifying.

 

The third piece of the solitaire puzzle is a source of solo entertainment.  Reading, watching a movie, or listening to music are all excellent examples of such activities.  Preferably your pastime of choice allows you to snuggle under a blanket or curl up in a comfy spot.

 

Some optional accoutrements of a skillfully crafted evening of solitude are a crackling fire, non human companions to snuggle with (fish don’t work well for this) and a heating pad to warm tired muscles.  An excellent evening alone can be had without these things.  But according to your own tastes, incorporating one or several of these things may heighten the experience.

 

Once you have gathered all these elements together it is time to kick back and breathe a sigh of utter contentment.  Revel in the peace and quiet.  Let go of deadlines, responsibilities and commitments.  Hush the self deprecating voice in the back of your head who would like to berate you for not doing the laundry or sweeping the kitchen.  Pull the blanket over yourself, cuddle with something soft, strike a cozy pose and enjoy.

Happiness Is…

A good friend and I were having a conversation about happiness.  I told him, “My life might be crazy a lot of the time, but I am, for the most part, happy.”

 

Then I realized how true a statement it was.  When I step away from the events or situations that have caused difficulty or pain I feel a deep contentment.  I have beautiful daughter, fantastic friends and supportive family.  I have a safe home, clean water to drink, healthy food to eat and many amenities that other citizens of the planet consider to be luxuries.  I do my best to be a good person and although I am far from perfect, I am good enough.

 

Everybody experiences hardship.  Everybody experiences sadness.  Everybody experiences frustration.  I have clung to those emotions and made my world about them at certain points in my life.  But what became clear to me last night is happiness is not the absence of those emotions, it is the acceptance of them.  And not a defeated “my life is total crap” acceptance.  A “how would I appreciate the light without the dark” acceptance. 

 

Happiness is not:

 

·         A geographic location

·         who you are with

·         what you own

·         where you have traveled

 

Happiness is:

 

·         a state of mind

·         who you are

·         what you have accomplished

·         peace in your heart

·         acceptance in your mind

·         comfort in your skin

·         love of yourself

 

Nobody can give it to you and nobody can take it away.  You are responsible for your own and no one else’s.  If you do not care for it, you may lose it.  If you nurture it, it will grow.  I for one am recommitting to fostering my own happiness.  I think we all should.

Simple Pleasures

Last night The Fiend and I went to see a theater group I am involved with perform at a fundraiser for a social service agency.  The theme was victory over violence.  Audience members shared touching stories and the performers interpreted them so beautifully.

 

The Fiend was so well behaved.  Her reward was getting to dance her little heart to the great reggae band that played later on that evening.  That was my reward too.

 

We had a great night watching the performance, spending time with lovely people and dancing to great music.  The Fiend and I drove how basking in the contented glow of an evening well spent.  It struck me how simple it had been to make us both so happy.  Good theater, good music, good company. 

 

The pursuit of happiness, or at least my pursuit of happiness, often gets muddied by lofty expectations.  It is a challenge to realize that happiness is in the moment, not in the future.  Every moment that spent wishing for happiness in the future is a moment where happiness is lost. 

 

Happiness does not cost anything.  It does not exist in things or places.  It exists inside each of us.  It is when we let go and live in the moment that we find it.